Finding Our Way Back To Us
by x-the-rising-x
Summary: Love falls apart often in the case of tragedy. Sometimes it can be put back together again. But after five years with no communication, will Brooke and Lucas find their way back again? And will he be able to forgive her for the secret she's kept?
1. Author's Note

Finding Our Way Back To Us 

A Brooke and Lucas future fanfic.

**Author's Note:** This story follows the storyline of the show, and though it takes place some five years after the beginning of Season 4, all the events leading up to Season 4 have indeed taken place.

**Summary:** Love falls apart often in the case of tragedy. Sometimes it can be put back together again. But after five years with no communication, will Brooke and Lucas find their way back again? And what secrets will be revealed?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own One Tree Hill. However, if I did, I would have _never_ split up BL. Stupid, stupid Mark…

**Credit:** Ah reading Original Sin (search for it on and realizing how much fun writing a future fic would be…


	2. Somehow The Sad Day

**Finding Our Way Back (To Us)**

Here's the first chapter you guys! Enjoy! The first couple of chapters will be entirely in Luke's perspective, although flashbacks will contain Brooke

Somehow the Sad Day 

May 3rd, 2014.

The apartment was a mess – he hadn't had a chance to clean it up in weeks. Pizza boxes and beer bottles were stacked on the coffee table. The unread newspapers had begun to build up near the door. The fridge was near empty, with only an apple and a six pack of Bud Light.

He stood for a minute, in the doorway, mail in one hand, keys in the other, and just looked at the date on the cable box. May 3rd. It had been at the back of his mind all day – but he had tried to push it out – keeping busy by working. But now he was home – with only a night of beer and cable TV football to look forward to. And somehow he wasn't sure he would be able to keep it out of his mind much longer.

_April 12th, 2006_

_"Hey Brooke, got a second?" He tried to play it cool as she turned around, letting her soft curls whip around with her face._

Her smile turned cold, face shut off from any warmth. "This kind-of feels like déjà vu, doesn't it?" she said, crossing her arms.

"Not really," he said, trying to keep his voice calm and controlled, although all he really wanted to do was grab her and cry out and beg her to not leave him. "Look, you told me to fight for you, and I did. But you never fought for me."

For a second, he thought he saw her face soften. But then she spoke up. "And I'm not going to," she said quietly.

He wouldn't let himself look away, although all the hope he had before was now shattered. "Fine," he said, voice quavering a little. "Then I guess I'm not the guy for you Brooke Davis."

He wanted her to look hurt. He wanted her to cry. But she didn't break down, didn't say a word. And as he walked away, he had to force himself not to look back. Look back at the girl he loved. The girl who didn't love him back anymore.

The phone was ringing. He snapped out of his daze and the picture on the TV swam back into focus. With a sigh, he reached over and answered the phone.

Nathan's voice sounded far away, and his cell phone reception was clearly terrible. But no one could miss the immense glee and cheerfulness in his voice.

"Lucas? Guess what?"

Lucas yawned. It had been a long day, and he was almost ready to climb into bed. "What?"

"We've got a brand new baby girl!" came his excited response.

Before Lucas could jump in and congratulate him, Haley's voice entered from the background, sounding tired but happy. "Nathan," she hissed, sounding even farther away than Lucas. "Do you remember what day it is?"

"Shit I forgot," Nathan muttered under his breath. "Sorry Lucas, I was just so excited and –"

"That is really great," responded Lucas with a small smile, actually meaning it.

"yeah I know, I just forgot what today was, and – "

"Don't worry about it Nate. I'm really happy for you two."

Lucas could practically see Nathan grinning from the other end. "Thanks man. Listen, do you want to talk to Hales, because– "

The phone line went dead. Lucas sighed and put the extension down, and turning off the TV. He stood up from the couch and, sidestepping some scattered laundry, made his way into the dark bedroom. He collapsed on the bed and closed his eyes, trying to put his mind at ease, but so much was already swimming through his head.

_The room was dark when he entered, but it was the only one in the house he could find that wasn't locked and didn't have a keg or two people hooking up in it._

He flicked on the light switch, and discovered that the room was a bedroom. There were two single beds, both unmade and messy. At the far end of the room there was a door, open a crack, and he could safely assume it was a bathroom. Moving closer to the bed with red sheets, he saw a pink hardcover scrapbook. On the cover, there was a picture of Brooke at the age of 7 or 8.

Realizing that this was where Brooke was sleeping, he turned to leave, not needing any more reminders of her. But as he moved to the door, he heard a retching sound coming from behind the bathroom door. Assuming it was just a drunk partygoer throwing up, his hand went to the knob.

The bathroom door swung open to reveal a very sober-looking but also very sick-looking Brooke. She had changed out of her clothes from earlier. Now she was just in sweats and a tank top. Her hair was tied up and it looked like she had been crying. For a second she looked confused, and in that second he could see all the hurting and vulnerability in her eyes.

He took his hand off the knob. "Brooke? Are you ok?"

Ignoring his question, and removing her face of expression once again, she turned away from him and went to the closet, grabbing a sweater. "Sorry, if you're looking for a hook-up bedroom to go to with Peyton, this one is off-limits. Try a motel. Or maybe a library."

"Brooke," he said again, voice a little firmer. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," she responded quickly and sharply. "I just drank a little too much." She looked back at him. "Oh, Peyton isn't with you? That's a surprise." She rolled her eyes and sat down on her bed. "Aren't you leaving?"

"No," he replied, making his way closer to her. "Brooke, first of all, there is nothing going on between Peyton and I."

She sighed. "And second of all, I don't care either way. Now please – just leave."

"Fine," he said, giving up and moving to the door. "I just though that – "

Before he could finish, Brooke jumped up, a sick expression on her face, and stumbled into the bathroom. Worried, Lucas quickly followed her.

Entering the small room, he found her crouched over the toilet bowl, retching into it. Hurriedly he kneeled down and held her hair behind her head. When she was done he reached over and flushed the toilet. She didn't protest, as he leaned her back against the bathtub and pressed a cool washcloth to her face, just let herself cry.

After removing the washcloth, he put a hand to her cheek, and wiped away a tear. "Brooke," he said in a soothing tone. "Tell me what's wrong."


	3. Painful Memories Never Fully Heal

**Finding Our Way Back (To Us)**

Wow guys…thanks for all the great responses! Here's a note about flashbacks: make sure you look at the date on them because they may be out of order from chapter to chapter. Within one chapter, even if there are a couple flashbacks, they will usually only be from one day so there will only be a date on the first one. However, if they are from different days, they will all have dates.

Enjoy!

Painful Memories Never Fully Heal

May 4th, 2014

Lucas hated hospitals. He hated the smell. The clean look everything had, the air of suspense and dread that always hung in the air. And the memories – he hated the memories more than anything else.

_February 1st, 2006_

The doctor entered the room, face expressionless. Karen's hand immediately went to Lucas' own and she clutched his fingers, her own shaking.

Trying to comfort and protect his mother, Lucas put an arm around his mom and pulled her to her feet. He couldn't look at the doctor. "H- How is he. I mean – I – is he gonna' be ok?"

His own voice had never sound less convincing that he was ok. He forced himself to look up, and saw what he dreaded the most. The look of sympathy.

"I'm sorry…we did everything we could…"

A second of silence, then Karen's collapsing form onto the couch, with mutters of "Keith…my Keith."

Driving down from Charlotte that morning had not been an easy trip. He had to force himself to find the happiness for Nathan and Haley – that they had their whole lives figured out, with their toddler, Cody, and their brand new baby girl.

He found the maternity ward easily. It had haunted his dreams many times. It haunted his memories as well. Roses and chocolate clutched in one hand, he made his way down the hall of Tree Hill Memorial Hospital, before stopping outside room 223.

His hand hovered on the knob, as he took short, deep breaths. After all these years, the pain he thought he was passed, somehow had resurfaced.

_May 3rd, 2006_

"Jesus, these hospital gowns make me feel like a wrinkled old lady," said Brooke in a grumpy tone.

Lucas smiled. As annoying as they were, her mood swings were still adorable.

"Stop smiling. You don't have a person growing inside of you. You aren't going to have to spend six more months waddling around and throwing up."

Lucas tried to be helpful. "Actually, your morning sickness has kind-of ceased."

She just stared at him, giving him an evil eye. "Do you want _me to kill you?"_

"Good morning you two," said Dr. Singer as she entered the small room. "How's it going."

"Brooke just announced that she wanted to kill me," said Lucas in a jokingly practical tone.

"And I'll do it – trust me," she said with another evil glare to Lucas.

Dr. Singer smiled. "Ok well today we'll take another sonogram photo. By now we'll probably be able to actually see the baby," she said with a small smile.

Brooke immediately lightened up. "Oh yay!" she squealed and grabbed Lucas' hand, all past anger vanished.

Both Dr. Singer and Lucas laughed, and Dr. Singer removed her stethoscope from her neck. "Ok, well first I'm going to listen to the baby's heartbeat, just to make sure everything's going smoothly," she said, placing the stethoscope on Brooke's stomach, and listening in.

After a few moments, Dr. Singer spoke up. "Have you been experiencing any unusual abdominal pain?"

Brooke shook her head. "No – well unless you count the four philly cheese steaks I ate the other afternoon. That gave me a little stomachache," she said with a laugh.

"It even gave me _a little stomachache to watch you eat that," said Lucas with an amused smile as he smoothed her hair._

"Yes, I would expect," said Dr. Singer distractedly, still listening.

Lucas picked up on her tone first. "Is something the matter?"

"Well I'm not picking up a heartbeat. Which is somewhat normal," she added quickly, seeing the look on Brooke's face. "We should just run some tests to make sure everything's ok."

Ten minutes she left the room with an encouraging smile. Lucas stole a glance at Brooke. "I'm sure it's fine. She said it happened all the time."

Brooke closed her eyes and leaned back against the bed. "I hope," she said quietly.

"It's fine," Lucas said, trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince her.

Dr. Singer reentered the room a few minutes later. Lucas looked to her face – and knew.

"I'm so sorry. There was a complication and…"

Her words trailed off, growing quieter in Lucas' head. All he could see was Brooke, her eyes wide, face crestfallen and scared. To comfort her, he put a hand on her knee, but she yanked it away, as a tear fell from her eye.

"Luke!" came Haley's yell from her hospital bed, where she cradled a small form.

"Hey Hales," he said with a smile, going over to her and handing her the flowers and chocolate.

"Aw, Luke. You shouldn't have. I mean – you didn't have to come down here. I know the bad memories you have here. Especially since yesterday was…you know."

Lucas smiled. "Nonsense. Do you think I'd miss seeing my newborn niece?" He paused. "Where's Nathan?"

"He went over to Deb's to pick up Cody and bring him over here. Do you want to hold her?"

Lucas hesitated, but then nodded. Carefully, he took the small baby from Haley's arms and cradled her in his own. He smiled down at the small girl, whose eyes were tight shut. "What's her name?"

Haley didn't respond for a second. "Well, we were thinking about it, and we decided to name her after someone that used to be a big part of my life. Someone who got me through the split with Nathan after the whole Chris thing, and who was there for me for a long time."

"Please don't tell me you named her Lucas. Because I'm flattered Haley. But I don't want my niece to be teased on the playground," he said with a smile.

Haley laughed. "No." She leaned back. "Brooke."


	4. Just Drive

**Finding Our Way Back (To Us)**

Wow guys, thanks so much for the wonderful feedback! I know that some of you are confused over what happened to Brooke, but I promise it will all be clear soon. I hope you enjoy this chapter! Sorry that there hasn't been much Brucas fluff yet, but we'll get to the good stuff in a couple chapters.

**Just Drive**

_April 12th, 2006_

"You're pregnant, aren't you?" he asked in a soft voice, pushing the hair out of her face.

_Leaning against the bathtub, she curled up her legs as a few silent tears fell from her eyes. All she could do was nod._

_Lucas sighed and took her hand. "Why didn't you tell me?"_

_She didn't respond at first, just looked down. Finally she spoke up quietly. "I thought that maybe – maybe if I ignored it and pretended it wasn't true – that it would go away. But it didn't"_

_"Did you really expect it to? Brooke – you're having a baby. We're having a baby. There is nothing you can do that's gonna' change it."  
_

_She stood up quickly. "Actually there is. I made an appointment at the clinic tomorrow."_

_"For wha –" he started, but then realized. "Brooke, maybe you should think about this for a bit."_

_"I have thought about it Lucas! Ok? I thought about it a lot!" Her voice was raised now, but still shaking. "We have our whole lives to live! I am not going to live the rest of my life as a single mom!"_

_"You won't be a single mom," he said, taking her hand. "You have me."_

_She yanked it away. "In case you haven't noticed Lucas, I _don't _have you anymore."_

_He started to get a little angry. "And whose fault is that? You broke up with _me, _Brooke. I didn't do anything!"_

_"Oh, except make out with your ex-girlfriend?"_

_"Brooke!" he yelled. "Just shut up about Peyton!"_

_Brooke fell silent, a strange look on her face._

_"Peyton and I haven't been _anything _for a year. I love YOU Brooke. I want to be with YOU Brooke. I want YOU." He softened his voice. "And I want this baby. With you."_

_Brooke was crying now. It was a scared, sad, confused sort-of cry, and it broke Lucas' heart. Instinctively, he reached out and pulled her into him. "I love you," he said, kissing her softly on the lips._

_And the kiss he expected never to be returned met him halfway, and she smiled through the tears – through the pain. Let him touch her, let him kiss her. Let him hold her. _

May 4th, 2014That month had been the scariest, yet happiest month of Lucas' life. Even though their lives were suddenly changed forever, they spirits were uplifted by the fact that they were _having a baby._

Brooke pretended to hate it at first. But about a week following the day they decided to keep the baby, Lucas found the sonogram picture, the one that you couldn't even see the baby, tucked neatly into her wallet.

In the car now, driving back to Charlotte, back to his normal life, all these memories kept flooding back into his brain. The ones he had been trying to push away for years.

_May 3rd, 2006_

_"It was a girl," came Brooke's strangled voice from the passengers seat._

_Lucas stole a glance over at her from his own place in the drivers seat. She was crying, her mascara running black down her face, her eyes red and blotchy. "I know that we said we didn't want to know, b-but I was so curious. So I called – and it was gonna' be a girl. A baby girl. I-I was gonna' have a little baby g-girl."_

_She was sobbing now, and Lucas could barely hold back his own tears. He pulled over onto the shoulder of the highway, and tried to take her in his arms, to tell her it was gonna' be ok. Instead. She scooted away from him._

_"Brooke…" his voice was lost and distant. "I-It's gonna' be ok."_

_"Just drive Lucas," she said desperately._

_"Brooke."  
_

_"Drive."_


	5. Eavesdropping

**Finding Our Way Back (To Us)**

Wow guys, thanks so much for the wonderful feedback! Its really great to hear what you have to say! I know that you're all impatient for some Brucas fluff, but we need to establish more of a plot first…haha im so evil. Well enjoy!

Eavesdropping 

May 4th, 2014

Haley sighed and lay back on her hospital bed. It had been a hard day – and going through labor wasn't even the half of it.

Brooke was silent now. Asleep in Haley's own tired arms. Haley smiled down at the little girl. Not knowing what had pushed her in the direction to name her after a long-lost friend.

Haley hadn't seen Brooke's namesake in three years. She'd gotten birthday cards and occasional emails, but nothing else.

_January 23rd, 2009_

_Haley crept to the door of the bedroom. Her feet, though covered in three layers of socks, were freezing. When Nathan had suggested the old gang get together and rent a cabin for the weekend, she hadn't expected it to be this, well…cold._

_They all drove back down to North Carolina for that one weekend. Nathan and Haley from Duke, Brooke and Lucas from NYU and Columbia, respectively. And Peyton and Jake from Savannah, where Peyton was attending Savannah School of Art and Design._

_Nathan was sleeping soundly in bed, mouth issuing softly in bed. But Haley was wide awake, listening at the door._

_She felt like a little girl again. Eavesdropping on her parent's fights. That rush of your heart when you know that you shouldn't be listening, but doing it anyway. That sick feeling when you hear them raise their voices. Only now it wasn't her parents. It was Brooke and Lucas – talking with angst in the living room._

_Brooke and Lucas had had a tough couple of years. In the spring of their senior year, Brooke had a miscarriage. It was truly devastating to see a couple who had been so terrified in the beginning, be so crestfallen and heartbroken over the loss of the baby. _

_But they worked it out. Both were accepted to colleges in Manhattan. They moved on, moved away from North Carolina. From the memories._

_They said they were happy. Claimed they were doing fine. But it's hard to get over something that painful. And so it surprised Haley to watch them stay together._

_And now here they were. Sophomores in college. A happy couple. Or, at least Haley thought they were._

_The door was only open a crack, and although she couldn't see them, Haley could hear their voices perfectly well._

_"Brooke you don't talk to me anymore."_

_Her voice came back somewhat robotic and programmed. "I talk to you all the time."_

_"But not like we used to."_

_"Lucas, I'm trying to write this essay."_

_"Brooke…"_

_"Lucas, don't do this. We have this fight all the time."_

_Lucas raised his voice. "And it always ends in us making up and having sex."_

_"And the problem is…?"_

_"The problem is – it's not us Brooke! There is so much more to us than sex. At least, I thought there was."_

_Her voice softened somewhat. "Lucas, maybe we just need some time."_

_"What's time going to do?" he spat out._

_There was a silence. Then, "I'm pregnant."_

_It came out in a rush, a mixture of emotions._

_"P-pregnant?"_

_Her voice was cold again. "Yep – god we're getting good at this."_

_There was a sound, like someone standing up from the couch. Then a shuffling of slippers. _

_"Well, that's – I mean, that's g-great Brooke." _

_"Actually it's not. Besides, it doesn't even matter."_

_"I think this actually counts as something that matters, Brooke."_

_"Lucas!" her voice hit a new level of annoyance. "The worst month of my life was the month I lost that baby." She paused for a minute. "I'm not doing that again."_

_Desperation filled his voice. "You won't have to. It will be fine this time."_

_"The only reason you want this baby is so it will fill the space that the other one left."_

_"That's not true," he said quietly._

_"It doesn't matter if it's true or not. This baby does not exist. At least it won't after Tuesday."_

_"Y-you already made an appointment."_

_"Yes, I did. There's nothing you can say or do that's gonna' change my mind."_

_There was a silence. "Fine." His voice was stony cold. "Brooke – you changed so much. The old you would have stepped up – learned to deal with this. But instead – your running. I don't know you anymore Brooke. If you do go, go to that appointment – this relationship is over."_

_The silence now was long and painful. Then Haley heard Brooke pick up her bag from the floor where it was for their departure tomorrow. The door opened, and then slammed shut._

_Haley opened the bedroom door a crack. Lucas stood in the dim living room, looking crestfallen. Brooke was gone. And outside Haley heard a car start up, and then back down the driveway. _

The last time she saw Brooke.

June 4th 2012

"Luke!" Came a loud squeal, and then a rush of blonde into his arms.

Lucas smiled and dropped his bags on the floor of the New York City hotel room. He held Claire in his arms for a few seconds, before letting her go. "Hey sweetie, how's my girl?"

"I missed you baby," she said kissing his cheek and running her hand up his shirt. "All of you."

Lucas smiled, but this time it was more of a 'please stop feeling me up,' smile. "I think I'm going to go take a shower. I smell like plane.

Claire smiled. "I'll be here when you get out," she said winking.

Giving her one last smile, he retreated into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Despite the fact that he hadn't seen his girlfriend in a month, he wasn't exactly too keen on spending time with her. Their relationship wasn't the most deep in the world – Luke felt guilty over the fact that he mainly held onto her as a comfort to have at night – nothing much more.

Claire wasn't exactly worth shuttling between North Carolina and New York for – but he did it anyway. What else did he have to do?

His life wasn't much anymore. It consisted of scouting players for college teams, watching football on HGTV, and playing one-on-one half court with Nathan. Of course, he did have his writing. Stored away in his leatherback notebook at the bottom of his suitcase, he had been keeping a journal since junior year of high school. It was only recently that he started compiling his work more seriously. He had been trying to avoid the fact that most of the writing he kept and didn't throw away as junk, all revolved around one topic. Because if he admitted it – it would be like that was still an important part of his life. And it wasn't – at least he didn't want it to be.

But he had to admit it at some point. So, retrieving his notebook from the suitcase and pulling a pen from his pocket, he sat down on the toilet seat, flipped to the back page of his notebook, and wrote two words there.

_Pretty Girl_

A working title.


	6. Secrets Too Deep

**Finding Our Way Back (To Us)**

Wow you guys, your reviews are so uplifting to read. Thank you so much! Now, the moment you've all been waiting for. Well actually, not really. That moment has yet to arrive. Whatever. Enjoy!

Oh and one more thing – realizing now I screwed the date up on the present time. It should really be 2014. Sorry for the confusion.

**Secrets Too Deep**

June 5th 2014

A warm morning light spilled onto the Starbucks table, where Lucas sat sipping his Cappuccino. He was dressed simply, in jeans and a button up shirt. Lately he had let his beard grow in, so there was a little scruff there. He had finally gotten around to buzzing his hair this spring, for the first time in awhile, and it had grown in a bit, to just the length he liked it.

There wasn't too much activity in the coffee shop this morning – it was around 10:30 and most people were already at work. There was a small line winding its way back from the counter, and only a few tables were filled. Mainly college students, chugging down espresso as they sat in front of their laptops, squinting as they furiously typed out a thesis essay.

The door to the Starbucks opened and for a minute the café was filled with the sounds of the street. Looking up, Lucas saw a young woman enter, with a small girl, probably about four or five years old, hanging on to the woman's hand. The little girl was dressed in a sundress, and had her brown hair tied up in a ponytail. The woman was searching through her bag for something, and Lucas couldn't see her face.

Smiling slightly, he returned to his paper, and was once again engrossed in the Metro Section. About two minutes had gone by before Lucas felt a small tug on the back of his shirt.

Turning around, he was face to face with the small girl. Up close, he could see that she had gorgeous hazel eyes and enormous dimples. Her face triggered something in his memory, but he pushed it out of his mind.

"What are you reading?" she asked simply. Her speech was surprisingly good for a girl who looked like she might be in kindergarten, but it was still high pitched and squeaky.

Lucas smiled. "The newspaper. Do you like the newspaper?"

The little girl shook her head and her ponytail swung violently. "Mommy does, but she says that she doesn't know why, because it's all crap anyway. But I'm not supposed to say that word," she said solemnly.

Lucas laughed. "Oh you're not, are you? Well, is your mommy here with you?" he asked with a smile.

The small girl was about to answer, when a voice from behind them, prevented her.

"Sweetie, are you bothering this man?"

Lucas turned around, and his heart stopped for a second. Standing in front of him was Brooke.

He hadn't seen Brooke for five years, and yet, at 24, it didn't look like those 5 years had done much to her age-wise. She was as slim as ever. Her was longer now – it came down to her waist and was cut in straight layers. Her dimples were still there, as were her hazel eyes that matched the little girl's. She wore cut-off jeans, flip-flops, and a white tank top. On her neck was the necklace Lucas had given her on her 19th birthday. She still wore it.

They just stood there for a second, staring at each other in shock. Finally, Lucas spoke up in a strangled, odd voice. "Brooke," he said in almost a whisper.

Brooke opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, the little girl ran up to her and tugged on her shirt. "Mommy, can I have a brownie?"

Brooke turned her attention to the small girl, averting her eyes from Lucas. "Why don't you go and look at the desserts Emma," she said, crouching down and speaking in an even tone.

The little girl ran off with a smile to the dessert cases. Brooke stood up again, but didn't look at Lucas. Instead, she looked to his shoes. "Hi," she said in a small voice.

A million questions sprouted to the front of his mind. But only one came out. "I – is she, I mean, so she's your – "

"Yeah, she's all mine." Brooke finally looked up at him with a sigh.

He could barely speak. He just let one more question flow through his lips. "Who's the father?"

Brooke paused for a second, as if she was deciding something. Then with one last sigh, she responded. "You are, Luke."

_August 16th, 2009_

_It was just them two in the delivery room now. Brooke and her little girl._

_She had named her Emma for no particular reason. Just liked the sound of it. Emma Davis Scott. She would be a Scott. But the thing that still hurt Brooke, was that she herself would never be a Scott._

_She was tired now. Both of them were. Emma had closed her eyes and was sleeping soundly. But Brooke couldn't sleep. All she could do was stare at the little girl who was all her own. Brooke was more scared then she ever had been. And yet more excited._

_It was only now that it really hit her that she was doing this alone. No Haley, no mom, no dad, no Peyton. No Lucas. No one to help her through. Except maybe an occasional visit from her Aunt who lived in Brooklyn, and a call every month from Peyton who was living in Paris. _

_It scared her. And just like countless other times these past nine months, she almost reached for the phone to call Lucas. But once again she had to hold herself back, convincing herself that she was doing the right thing. _

_Having a baby would ruin his life. He would stand by her because that's the kind-of guy he was, but he would never be able to truly accomplish all he was meant for._

_But Brooke – Brooke didn't even know what she was meant for in life. Maybe this was it. So that was her choice. She was doing this alone. _

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

Wow, that chapter was intense to write. Very dramatic, very revealing.

Well, off to work on some more! Maybe I'll get another update by tonight!


	7. You Gotta' Be Someone You Love

**Finding Our Way Back (To Us)**

Wow guys, great reviews. Next chapter I'll respond to the most interesting ones individually but right now I just want to get this chapter up. Oh – and I'm glad that you guys like the name Emma. It's a little guilty pleasure for me – It's my own name after all. Hee hee. Well, I hope you like this chapter.

**You Gotta' Be Someone You Love**

"Mommy, why are you crying?"

Brooke wiped a lone tear from her right eye as she stirred the marinara into the spaghetti and passed the bowl over to Emma at the counter.

Though Emma looked and acted almost identical to Brooke in all aspects, Brooke could see Lucas in the things Emma did everyday. Even at 4 1/5, Emma was extremely sensitive, and caring. She was perspective – picked up on many details of emotion, and though outgoing, she could be very introverted and quiet.

"Nothing sweetie, I just had a long day."

_"H-How, what do you mean? We never – I mean, not since…" A look of comprehension dawned over Lucas' face, clouding up his sharp blue eyes. He lowered his scratchy voice. "You – you didn't have the abortion?"_

_"No Luke," she said quietly. "I didn't have the abortion."_

_Somehow she was outside Starbucks now – clinging onto Emma's hand as she quickly made her way across the busy intersection. The last minute was lost in her mind now – she could remember a rush of anxiety, a cry from her daughter as Brooke ushered her out of the Starbucks, leaving Lucas behind, confused._

_She expected him to follow them. Grab Brooke and make her demand to explain what happened – make a demand to be in his daughter's own life. But as they crossed the street, and made their way down the long cross-town block, Brooke's breaths became evener. She had made the right choice – Lucas hadn't been ready to be a father in college – and he wasn't ready now either. _

_"Mommy, who was that man?"_

She was asking about him again. It was probably the 5th time today. "Who was that man mommy? Did you know him? I like him. Can he come live with us?"

Brooke slowly tuned her daughter out. Managed to calm her down, get her into pajamas, and settle her down in front of Beauty and the Beast, where all remembrance of Lucas was immediately forgotten in favor of Belle and her songs.

Brooke quietly made her way to the terrace and stepped out. At 8:00, the sun was starting to set on the beautiful June evening. Emma would be out of school in a few weeks, and then they would have the summer ahead of them. They would go to the Vineyard again, spend days lounging on the beach in the July sun. And then there would be those awkward days when Brooke's parents showed up – after all it was their own house, and Brooke was forced to spend a week or so with them.

Emma didn't call Brooke's parents Grandma and Grandpa. In fact – she didn't call them anything at all. Didn't talk to them much – actually more like didn't acknowledge their existence. Just contented herself with running through the sand, splashing through the waves, while Brooke spent hours in awkward conversations with her parents about where her life was going.

And then it would be back to the city – back to the sweaty sluggish month of August, where Emma would enroll in day camp and Brooke would be back at work. Back behind a desk – back to her life.

She leaned against the terrace railing, and looked out over the trees of central park. Brooke would admit it – she had money. When Emma was born, Brooke had to make a decision – be happy herself, or have her daughter be happy. Of course they could both be happy, but not all the time. And Emma came before Brooke every time.

She could have taken a risk. Took exciting jobs that paid little but which you learned so much from. Instead, she took the straightforward path, the one that would get her money. Money to keep Emma happy.

Of course, money wasn't everything. But Brooke liked to think that after years of working her way up the career ladder, all her work wouldn't be for nothing.

Thinking about it now, se was ashamed at the way she let herself become successful. She did things to make it to the top that at one point would disgust her. And all the times she let it happen, four in all, she cried herself to sleep that night, hoping that having sex with the decider wasn't the only real talent she had. She liked to think that she was hired because she had potential in that field, not reassurance that she would spread her legs whenever he asked her to.

But she had made it – scrambled to the top. And now she was stuck in a well paying job that she loved, but one that never made her truly happy.

She let out a small shuddering sigh, and lowered herself onto a balcony chair, reaching into her pocket for her phone.

The phone was ringing. Peyton felt Jake nudge her, and she groaned and rolled over to answer it, while glancing at the clock. It was 3am.

A familiar voice came on the other end. "Hey stranger."

Peyton sat up in bed, wide awake now. "Brooke, is that you?"

"yeah it is," came back her voice, sounding far away. "sorry to wake you up. What time is it in Paris? Like 3?"

"Yeah, but it's fine," responded Peyton, stifling a yawn. She stood up, shuffled into her slipped and made her way out the bedroom door into the dark hallway. "How are you? How's Emma?"

Peyton could feel Brooke smiling on the other end. "We're great. How Jake and Jenny and Liam?"

"They're all great," said Peyton with a smile, passing by the nursery and peeking in to see 6 month old Liam, sound asleep. She moved into the living room and settled herself in a comfy armchair. "So, what's wrong?"

"How did you know something was wrong?" said Brooke, a little defensively.

"Well, we haven't talked in like a couple of months. I mean, we've both been really busy, I figured something must be wrong if you're calling me randomly at 3 am."

There was a pause on the other end. "I saw Lucas today."

"You saw Lucas today," repeated Peyton. "Were you with Emma?"

"Yeah, he saw her too. He knows Peyton."

Peyton sighed. "Well I don't know what to tell you Brooke. You know that I was never supportive of your whole, "Lucas never has to find out," speech. I'm kind-of relieved he knows."

"Peyton…"

"No, Brooke, really. Come on. It's not fair to have his baby and then not even tell him he has a daughter for 6 years. He missed out on _6 years _of her life."

Brooke sounded angry now. "I couldn't tell him Peyton! He had so much going for him."

"That doesn't change the fact that Emma is his daughter."

There was a silence. And then, "I made the right choice. He didn't even come after us today."

Peyton softened her voice. "Brooke…can you blame him? That's some big news for anyone to find out in a day. He's probably confused and upset." She let the last two words slide quietly out of her mouth: "And scared."


	8. Teach Me Your Lullaby

**Teach Me Your Lullaby**

After knocking five times, she finally opened the door. Lucas hesitated for a second, just taking her in. She was truly beautiful. She wore short-shorts, and he could clearly see her elongated, tan legs, emerging at the hem of the shorts, and traveling down to her manicured toes. She wore a white tank-top, and her hair was tied up in a loose bun.

She looked at him, confused for a second. "Lucas, what are you doing here?" she finally managed to ask, obviously not fully awake.

Lucas moved into the apartment, not asking for an invitation. The door opened into a living room, where one lamp was turned on, illuminating the room in a soft yellow glow.

He whirled around and watched as she closed the door lightly and turned back to him. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Brooke sighed, picked up a purple silk bathrobe off a stool and wrapping it around her. She stood by the kitchen counter, not going too close to Lucas, who was standing steadily next to the couch. "Lucas, come on."

"I just don't get it, Brooke. I mean, you tell me you're going to have an abortion and I give you an ultimatum. So what, did you just tell me that you were going to have one to get rid of me?"

"I can't believe you think I would do that," said Brooke. "No Lucas, I was going to tell you. And then I thought about how much you had going for you. Your life would have been over."

"Just because you don't have the brain power to comprehend anything but that 'my life would be over,' doesn't mean you have the right to shut me out! I missed out on 5 years of my daughters life!"

Brooke looked like he had slapped her. Lucas expected her to cry. He expected her to break down and beg for his forgiveness. Instead she just shook her head, and spoke in a deadly quiet voice. "You don't get to say that. You don't get to make me feel guilty for a decision I made 5 years ago."

"Well what about the 5 years after that? Did you ever think to pick up a phone and call me?"

She just looked at him for a minute. Saw his electrifying blue eyes, scruffy beard, black button up shirt and jeans. Saw Lucas. Saw her broody. God he was gorgeous. She opened her mouth to say something when a voice came from one of the bedrooms. "Mommy!" came the scared cry of a six-year old.

Brooke looked away from Lucas and strode into her daughters room.

Inside the dark bedroom, Emma was sitting up in her bed, with her pony-decorated sheets bunched up at the foot. Her thumb was in her mouth and her eyes were wide and scared.

Brooke moved to the bed and sat down on the edge. "Sweetie, I told you not to suck your thumb," she said gently, removing Emma's thumb. "Now, what's wrong?" she asked, smoothing her daughter's hair back over her small head.

Lucas stood in the doorway. Watched Brooke soothe her daughter. It was weird seeing her like that – so motherly, so caring. She was so sure of herself. So sure of what she was doing with Emma.

"I had a bad dream," said the small child.

Brooke leaned down and whispered a remedy in Emma's ear – one that was inaudible to Lucas. And after a short begging by Emma, she began a lullaby.

_Hush little baby don't say a word_

_Mama's gonna' buy you a mockingbird_

_And if that mockingbird don't sing_

_Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring_

_And if that diamond ring goes brass_

_Mama's gonna' buy you a looking glass_

_And if that looking glass gets broke_

_Mama's gonna' buy you a billy goat_

_And if that billy goat turns over_

_Mama's gonna' buy you a dog named Rover_

_And if that dog named rover don't bark_

_Mama's gonna' buy you a horse-and-cart_

_And if that horse and cart comes 'round..._

_You're still gonna' be the sweetest baby around. _

Emma had shut her eyes, and Brooke's singing trailed off. Lucas had to smile a little, her voice was amazing, and he watched her stand up and kiss Emma on the head.

Brushing past Lucas, Brooke shut the bedroom door. The two of them stood in the dark hallway for a minute, almost touching. Lucas let his hand move out and graze her waist, but she pulled away and went back into the safely lit kitchen.

Sorry you guys – that was crazy short. But I wanted to get an UD up for u guys before I leave – so that's what you get. Hahaha XOXOXO emma


	9. Too Much To Forgive

Wow you guys, I feel terrible over the lack of UD, but inspiration really didn't hit me until History class today (hee hee). Anyway, here's the latest chapter. I hope you like it. Oh, and the beginning scene is based off an RP between **hellinkeller** and I, over on the betterthencw. boards, so I just thought I should give her some credit.

Oh and special credit goes out to **mosie1213** and **Benz405**, also over on the betterthencw boards. Without them I would have no more spirit to continue writing!

And of course, a big shout-out to all you reviewers!

Enjoy!

**Too Much to Forgive**

"I should go," said Lucas, emotionless as he followed Brooke into the kitchen. "Claire's probably waiting."

"Your girlfriend?" The question wasn't accusatory, just curious.

"Yeah." He paused for a second, unsure of what to say next. "But I'd like to see Emma again."

It was true, he realized as the words came out of his mouth. As scary as it was, he had a daughter now. And he wanted to be in her life. Wanted her to have a father.

Brooke nodded. "Definitely. You can call me tomorrow and we'll, um, figure it out." The conversation was awkward and emotionless, and both desperately wanted it to be over.

Lucas shoved his hands into his pockets. "So are _you_, um…seeing anyone?"

Brooke shook her head. "I was for about two years. This guy Ryan. But we broke up about six months ago."

"Why?" he found himself pushing to know more although his mind was just screaming at him to shut up.

Brooke just shrugged, obviously uneager to share more information on the matter. "But he was the first guy I met that didn't freak out that I was a single mom with a toddler," she said with a laugh.

"So you let some other guy be in her life, but not even me?" The words came out before he could stop them, but he found himself lacking regret, only carrying anger.

Brooke's expression changed entirely. "Lucas, don't do this. I apologized, and I can't take back what I did, ok?"

"No, it's not ok! It doesn't change the fact that it happened! I'm not just gonna' let this go!"

"Well if you can't forgive me, then maybe I'm not ready to let you be in my daughters life!"

There was a dead silence. Then he spoke. "_Our _daughter, Brooke. And that's not your decision to make!"

"You know what? Fine, you're right! I have no power whether you are in her life or not! But if you can't forgive me, you don't get to be in mine. That's what you want, right?"

His anger didn't cease. "I don't care. I've lived without you for five years. I think I can do it for the rest of my life."

"Fine," she said, moving to the door and opening it. "Email me and we'll work this Emma situation out."

"Fine," he said, striding out the door and moving down the hallway.

"Have a nice life!" she said yelling after him, not caring if she woke the neighbors.

"Right back at you!" he responded, before disappearing into the elevator.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

He entered the dark hotel room quietly. He could just make out Claire's outline, sprawled out in bed, chest rising slowly as she breathed evenly. She was asleep. She wasn't awake, wondering why he wasn't back yet.

_October 23rd, 2008_

_She wasn't asleep. He could tell, even though she was curled up on her side, and her back was turned to him. She wasn't asleep._

_His head was slightly spinning from the one beer too many. He sat down on the edge of the bed, and while removing his shoes, glanced at the clock on the bedside table. 11:07PM. He told her he would be home by eight._

_He knew moving in together would turn out badly. They thought they could handle it. After all, they had been together for more than three years, through tough times. But no hardship could compare to the fact that every day that she made dinner and he came home late after a trip to a bar with the guys, another cold silence hung over the house the next day._

_Stripping down to his boxers, Lucas laid down in bed, pulling the sheet over him. He moved close to her and tried to wrap his arms around her small form, but she moved away._

_"Brooke," he whispered with some air of desperation._

_She moved closer to the edge of the bed. "There's leftovers in the fridge," she muttered into the pillow, quietly and coldly. _

Turning on the small light, he sat down at the small hotel desk, and pulled his journal out of his suitcase. Taking a pen from his pocket, he moved the tip to the page, expecting for a flow of words. But for once, he was at a roadblock. Unsure of what to write. Unsure of what to do.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

She awoke with a start the next morning, and arose to get ready for work, before realizing it was a Saturday. She lay in bed, staring up at the plain white ceiling, and listening to the early morning traffic on the streets.

And then the peace was disturbed by a squeal and the scramble of a small child into her white sheets.

"Mommy!" came the high-pitched yell from Emma, as she began to bounce on the bed.

Brooke smiled. "What are you doing you crazy girl? It's Saturday. Don't you know that normal people sleep in on Saturdays?"

"Well you're always telling me I'm special, and when I told that to Bobby in the yard he laughed and said that special people were weird, and not normal."

"Don't listen to a word Bobby says," said Brooke with a laugh. "You are special and unique in every way."

"What's youneepe mean?"

"No, unique," Brooke said shaking her head with a smile. "It means you are one of a kind."

"Like my build-a-bear?"

Brooke laughed. "Yes, exactly like your build-a-bear."


	10. No One Left to Run to

**No One Left to Run To**

"Nathan?" came Haley's call from the kitchen.

"Yeah?" he asked as he emerged from the nursery.

"Did you get her to sleep?" She nodded to the closed door.

"No, but she's quiet at least. I'm sure she'll fall asleep eventually."

Haley laughed. "You sound so unconcerned."

"Well if she's anything like Cody, we won't have a problem with her sleeping habits," he said with a smile.

"Speaking of which, where is Cody?"

"Taking a nap."

Haley laughed. "Of course," she said, flopping down on the couch. "Anyway, what I was gonna' ask you is if you've heard from Lucas lately."

"Not since he left for New York," replied Nathan, moving her over so he could sit down too. "But I'm sure he's just having tons of fun with Claire," he said sarcastically.

"Be nice," said Haley, warningly. "Claire's sweet."

"Oh yeah. Remind me never to let her near my children again."

"Just because she _suggested _that we let her pierce Cody's ears when she was babysitting, doesn't mean she would actually have done it."

Nathan laughed. "Why does he even stay with her?"

"Lucas? Truthfully, I don't know." Haley sighed. "I just worry about him a lot. I mean all he really does is work and write. I just think it's a good thing he has Claire. It's someone to keep him company."

A ringing of the phone interrupted their conversation. Haley leaned over to check the caller ID. "Speak of the devil," she said with a smile, picking up the phone. "Hey Luke. We were just talking about you."

"No kidding? What a coincidence," came his voice. "How's the baby?" he asked.

"Brooke? She's great. Cries a lot, though," Haley said with a laugh. "So how's New York?"

There was a pause. "It's…fine."

Haley frowned. "Well it doesn't sound…fine. Is everything ok?"

"What? Yeah," said Lucas quickly. "It's just…"

"Luke? What is it?"

Nathan looked confused. Haley just shrugged.

"Well…I ran into Brooke."

"The baby?" asked Haley in shock. "No…I didn't think so. Wow! Brooke!"

"Yeah…"

"Well, how is she? Does she look ok?" Haley was overloaded with questions.

Nathan looked bewildered. Haley covered the mouthpiece with her hand. "He ran into Brooke!"

Nathan looked shocked. "What?!"

"Lucas, are you there?" Haley returned to the phone.

"Yeah. I am. She looked…fine. Great, I guess."

"Wow…" said Haley, still shocked.

"Hales?" Came Lucas' voice, sounding struggled.

"What's wrong Luke?"

"…I have a daughter."

IIIIIIIIIIIII

Brooke Davis was not one to tone down the mood of a boring executive meeting on a weekday afternoon. Most of her colleagues would normally drag themselves into the conference room on those days, sink into a chair, and pop a Tylenol. But Brooke bounded into the room. Stood at the head of the table. Always had her presentation, her lecture, her key points, her complaints. Never once let her smile fade. And that is what made these meetings bearable. Brooke's seemingly endless supply of energy seemed to provide for the 20 or so other people who looked like an anvil was permanently resting on their heads.

Today was an exception. It was 2:41 on Monday, and Brooke was nowhere to be seen. Sure, she was there, giving her lecture, her presentation, but she wasn't actually there. She would stop in mid-sentence, space-out, repeat herself, give long pauses before answering questions, and mindlessly stare out the window.

Her colleagues noticed this. She seemed so distracted, often stopping in the middle of a statement, and forgetting what she was talking about. Kayla, especially, who was having an increasingly amount of difficulty in summarizing the key points of the meeting, seeing how there didn't seem to be many key points at all. Others, she noticed, had let their minds drift away from Brooke, and were either immersed deeply in their Blackberries, or absentmindedly fiddling with their pens.

Finally Brooke dismissed the team, asking people on a last reminder to please read over the meeting summary that Kayla would email them that evening.

All others rushed out, but Kayla lagged behind, watching Brooke gather her things.

"Brooke?"

Brooke looked up. "Oh, hey Kayla."

Kayla had known Brooke for quite some time now. They had both started out as fact checkers at _Allure _and had climbed their way up the career ladder, always having each other's backs, even when things got nasty. When Kayla met Brooke, Emma was only two months old, and Brooke would often bring the baby to work. Kayla would spend hours playing peek-a-boo with Emma, and needless to say, the two got very close.

About 6 months ago, Brooke had been offered the Editor position at _Vanity Fair_ and had pulled Kayla along as her 2nd in command.

"Hey. Do you want to get a drink after work?"

"I can't, actually. I have to get home to Emma."

"Come on, Brooke. You haven't been out in weeks. Months, actually."

Brooke sighed. "I'm sorry Kayla. I've just been really busy."

"I know you've been busy. I've also watched you be really distant all day long, and all day yesterday when we went shopping. What happened this weekend?"

"Nothing happened. I just can't get anyone to watch Emma."

"What about Ryan? I'm sure he'd be happy to do it."

Brooke sighed, then smiled. "Fine."

Kayla laughed. "Ok. I'll meet you downstairs at 6."

"It's a date," responded Brooke with a smile.

IIIIIIIIIIIII

When Brooke stepped out of the elevator at 6:07 pm, she noticed Kayla standing by the revolving doors, talking to a tall man with his back turned to Brooke.

Seeing Brooke, Kayla paused in whatever she was rambling on about and beckoned Brooke over. Brooke smiled and, shifting her purse to her left shoulder, headed across the marble floor of the lobby to Kayla.

As she stepped up to Kayla, the man turned around and the smile fell from Brooke's face. It was Lucas.

"Brooke, I'd like to introduce you to Lucas. He just caught me and saved me from breaking my neck when I slipped on my heel," Kayla said with a laugh.

"We've met," responded Brooke coldly, not looking at him. "Are you ready to go?" she asked Kayla.

"Wait, you two know each other?"

"Not anymore," said Lucas, speaking in a tone equally as cold as Brooke.

"Right…" said Kayla, nervously shifting her glance between the two. "Um…then, it was nice to meet you Lucas," she said quickly, moving to the revolving door. Brooke was about to follow, but Lucas grabbed her arm.

"Brooke…wait."

Brooke pulled away and whirled around to face him. "What are you doing here, Lucas," she snapped.

"I just wanted to…can we talk?" he asked, somewhat desperately, jerking his head away from Kayla, who was standing on the opposite side of the revolving door looking thoroughly confused.

"I have plans," she said, turning away.

"Brooke, come on!" he said, jumping into the revolving door with her. She eyed him coldly, but he continued. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have blown up at you, and I shouldn't have said what I said."

They emerged on the street. "Lucas…it's fine…whatever. I think that we both made it perfectly clear that we don't need to be in each other's lives. Now if you want to talk about Emma – "

"Emma?" Kayla cut in. "What about Emma?" She had been listening to the entire conversation, and it still made no sense to her

Brooke ignored her friend. "If you want to talk about Emma, you can call me or email me to make an appointment."

"So I'm only worthy of an appointment – like your clients? Look, Brooke, I want to be in your life. I want us to be friends."

Brooke sighed and looked wary.

"Please…if you aren't going to do it for me, do it for Emma."

That hit Brooke strongly. There was a silence, and then she spoke. "Ok," she smiled slightly. "For Emma."

Lucas smiled. "Ok. Then how about I take you and Emma to dinner tomorrow?"

"I – fine," said Brooke, giving in with a smile.

IIIIIIIIIIIII

The two women entered the bar five minutes later, Kayla still looking bewildered. They sat down at a table and placed their orders – Brooke just asking for a coke.

"Ok…what was that about?" Kayla asked.

Brooke sighed. "That was Lucas."

"Yes…I'm aware. He did introduce himself to me. But what does that have to do with – "

"Kayla, that was _Lucas._"

A look of comprehension dawned over Kayla's face. "_Lucas,_" she breathed. "_That _Lucas?"

Brooke nodded.

Kayla was silent, obviously mulling things over in her had. Then she spoke. "He's hotter than you described him."

Brooke laughed. "Is that all you can say?"

"Well…yeah, guess." Kayla smiled.

Kayla knew all about Lucas. It kind-of came with the story that Brooke was a single mother. And, just like other close friends who had heard the story, Kayla had tried on numerous accounts to convince Brooke to tell Lucas about his daughter.

"So…how did he find out?"

"Well...he ran into me and Emma in Starbucks."

"Starbucks?"

"Starbucks. And the story just kind-of unraveled from there."

"Was he mad?"

Brooke laughed. "If you had a secret daughter who had been around for five years that you thought had been aborted against your own will, would you be mad?"

Kayla laughed. "I see your point," she paused. "Well, it looks like you two made up."

"Yeah, but between everything that's happened between us, and the fact that we haven't seen each other in six years, I feel like it's going to be hard for us to be friends. I think I mainly want to do it for Emma. I mean, she doesn't deserve to grow up with a mom and dad who can't stand to be in the same room as each other."

"How are you going to tell her about him?"

"God, I don't know," said Brooke, stirring her coke with her straw. "I mean, she knows that she has a dad, and she knows he's not in her life. Whenever she asks about him, I tell her what I can, and just say that he wishes he could be in her life. But it's a hard situation. I mean, I don't want to just bring Lucas over and be like 'this is your dad.' But I don't want to wait a long time until they know each other well, and then tell her. That might wreck their relationship."

"Well," said Kayla with a sigh. "No matter how or when you do it, it's going to be hard for her to understand."

"I know," Brooke responded quietly. "I know." 


	11. Just Let Me Close My Eyes

**Finding Our Way Back (To Us)**

So you guys, HAPPY THANKSGIVING! As of now, the pies are in the oven and a faint smell of apple is reaching my nose. I hope you all have a great evening, and here's the next chapter!

Oh, and thank you all for the _amazing _reviews. I really would write individual responses but there are so many of them, I don't think I can. Towards a little later in the fic, maybe. So here's just a general THANK YOU to all of you reviewers

**Just Let Me Close My Eyes**

June 9th, 2014

Most people hate New York in the summer. They hate the humidity, hate the lazy evenings and the afternoons that never seem to fade into the dark nights that welcomes you with a cool wind. But Brooke loved them. She loved how empty and yet alive the city felt during those weeks in August that seemed to just drone on forever. And she loved this evening – walking through central park with the only person that mattered to her in the world.

Emma was full of spark tonight. Her eyes lit up at the butterflies landing on the flowers on the great lawn, her laugh rang through the park as she leaned down to pet a Golden Retriever that was ambling by with it's owner.

Lucas saw them from across the lawn. He saw Emma in her yellow sundress and white sandals, and saw Brooke in her flowing white top and blue skirt. He watched Brooke lean down so she was at Emma's height and whisper something in her ear. He saw Emma grin and then laugh, before tugging her mother along to look at the boats in the pond.

_December 23rd, 2008_

_"We're here!" The couple entered the festive living room to be greeted by shouts from their friends and family. "Hi, everyone!" exclaimed Brooke, looking happier than Lucas had seen her in months. _

_Karen rose from a chair where she had been deep in conversation with Larry. Gliding across the room, she swept Brooke and Lucas into a big hug. "Welcome home, you two!" she said with a wide smile on her face. "We missed you."_

_"We missed you too, mom," said Lucas with a smile, handing his mom a bag with a bottle of wine in it._

_After the initial hello's, Lucas retreated to his old room where Nathan and Jake were already in deep immersion of the Lakers game. Brooke was left to talk animatedly with Haley and Peyton._

_Deb emerged from the hallway after a few minutes with a jolly two-year old boy on her hip. "Karen, your son needs to lose some weight," she shouted into the kitchen, only to receive a short laugh from the mother._

_Peyton and Haley immediately squealed and made their way over to baby Riley. Brooke stayed rooted by the coffee table, nervously fidgeting with her bracelet on her wrist. She watched Peyton lift Riley from Deb's arms and blow a raspberry on his stomach, only to receive a loud laugh from the little boy. Brooke gave a small smile. She didn't know exactly what was keeping her from joining her friends. She had seen the happiness Karen had in Riley, and Brooke couldn't help feeling slightly sad and jealous. After all, if it wasn't for certain circumstances, she would have that too.  
_

* * *

_Dinner was over. Nathan and Haley had said their goodbyes and left with Deb. Peyton and Jake were on their way out, just snagging some last bit of Cheesecake before they left. Lucas was helping Karen clean up the kitchen, and Brooke was feeling the exhaustion of another day. _

_Making her way back to Lucas' old room, she passed the nursery. Peeking in, she could see Riley rolling around in his crib, obviously not asleep yet. Stealing a glance down the hall, Brooke slipped into the room and moved over to the crib. He looked up at her with his blue eyes and, letting out a short laugh, reached up and grabbed her fingers._

_Brooke gave a small smile and reached into the crib to lift Riley out. Bringing him up to eye level, she began to whisper a lullaby in his ear while rocking him back and forth._

_On his way back from the kitchen, Lucas passed the nursery and stopped in his tracks. Leaning against the doorframe, he watched with a small smile as Brooke sang to Riley as she swayed back and forth in her jeans and hoodie. After a few minutes, she replaced the boy in his crib and gave him a small kiss before turning around to leave the room. Seeing Lucas, her expression from a smile to something unreadable. She tried to brush past him, but he gently took hold of her arm. _

_"Hey," he said, brushing her bangs to the side. "That was really sweet."_

_Brooke just mumbled something incoherent before quickly pulling away from him and retreating to his old bedroom, where she closed the door quietly behind her. Lucas stood in the hallway for a few more seconds. Then, with a sigh, he returned to the kitchen.  
_

* * *

_The room was dark when he entered it about half an hour later. Brooke was lying in bed on her side, facing away from him. Through the darkness, he could see her shoulders shaking, and knew she was crying. _

_Moving to the bed, he lay down and wrapped his arms around her unsettled form. He felt her tense up and try to move away from him. _

_"Brooke," he whispered into her ear. Stroking her hair, he began to whisper sweet nothingness into her ear, until she finally relaxed. Turning towards him, she let him dry her tears. With a smile, he gave her a small kiss on her nose and waited for her breathing to become steady before he fell asleep, she still curled up in his arms._

"Brooke!"

She turned around and smiled. It was the first real smile he had gotten from her since they ran into each other last week. He jogged up to her and gave her a small goofy smile.

"So, you said to meet you by the Great Lawn." She nodded to the basket in his left hand. "I'm assuming this 'dinner' is a picnic?"

"You assumed right," said Lucas with a smile, before turning his attention to the small child tugging on his jeans.

"I know you," stated Emma, simply.

Lucas gave a laugh and crouched down to Emma's height. "Well, I wasn't aware we had properly met. I'm Lucas," he said, extending his hand to the little girl with a sheepish grin.

Emma gave a little giggle and ran to Brooke, where she clutched her mom around the leg.

"She's pretty shy," said Brooke, explaining. "Don't worry, she'll get way too comfortable with you very quickly," she ended with a smile.

"Sounds like someone I know," he said with a laugh, before walking onto the lawn. Brooke smiled and, taking Emma's hand, followed behind him.

* * *

"Are you seriously that mad?"

Haley was banging around the kitchen, chopping vegetables furiously. "I'm not mad. I'm just, upset." With a fury, she began to stir the pasta. "I'm seriously beginning to regret naming our daughter Brooke."

"Don't," said Nathan with a small sigh. "Brooke has always been a good friend of yours. She just made a mistake."

"Yeah, a mistake that lasted 5 years."

"Look, Hales, you can't really understand what she was going through, or the position she was in."

Haley turned to face him. "I can't believe you're defending her! Who keeps someone's own child from them?"

"I'm not defending her…I'm just saying, you can't jump to conclusions."

"I can if I want to," said Haley with a grumble.

"Well you're going to have to see her next week anyway. So you might as well make peace with the fact that what's done is done. You can't change it. But you can forgive her."

"Yeah, I was thinking about that. Why don't _you _fly to New York and _I'll _stay here with the kids."

"Haley…"

"No, seriously Nathan. Brooke's just a month old. I don't know how I feel leaving her just yet. What if something goes wrong while we're gone?"

"I can assure you – my mom is a perfectly competent caregiver for Cody and Brooke. Besides, that's not what this is about, is it? You just don't want to be thrust into the middle of this Lucas/Brooke situation."

Haley sighed. "It's just…"

"Haley, we go to New York every summer. We go for one week. _Every year._ Peyton and Jake are even flying in for the summer."

Haley perked up a little. "Really? God, I haven't seen Peyton since she left for Paris."

"So, is that a yes, we're going?"

There was a short pause. Then Haley sighed and threw a dishtowel at him. "Fine, we're going."

* * *

June 11th, 2014

Brooke stood on her toes, peering over the crowd of passengers coming down the flight of stairs from Gate A5. Not seeing the family of four yet, she returned to her previous act of nervously pacing across the floor of the airport.

She hadn't seen Peyton in a year. And that was a long time to go without seeing your best friend. Usually when the Jagielski family returned to the city for the summer, they stayed in the apartment they had sublet while they lived in Paris. But the mortgage had gotten to be too much, and although Jake's three-year job in France was coming to an end, they had to sell the apartment. So Brooke had eagerly offered for them to stay with her. She had plenty of room, and was always looking for an opportunity for company. However, now she was rethinking the idea of living with four extra people for two months, even if she did have a four-bedroom apartment.

Lucas had offered to watch Emma while Brooke went to go pick up the family from the airport. Brooke had eagerly agreed, happy to let Lucas and Emma spend more time together. After Tuesday night, Emma had taken an extreme liking to Lucas, and besides the one tiff between them, things seemed to be going well between Brooke and Lucas as well.

_June 9th, 2014_

_He had put Emma to sleep, and was now pulling on his light coat. Brooke leaned against the wall and watched as he ran a hand through his hair and turned around to face her. _

"_I think that went well," said Brooke with a smile._

_He didn't respond, just looked to the floor._

"_What's wrong?" she asked, moving towards him._

"_When are you going to tell her?" he asked in almost a whisper._

_Brooke sighed. "Lucas, we've been over this."_

"_Actually, we haven't," he said, somewhat coldly._

"_Look, I thought we had a nice night tonight. Can't we leave it at that?"_

"_No."_

_Brooke felt frustration arise and she counted to ten before letting herself speak. When she did, it was in a cool, calm, collected tone. "Look, I just don't want to confuse her. I promise you, we'll do it soon. We just need to figure out how to."_

_The anger faded from Lucas' face and a small smile entered it. "You're right. I'm sorry."_

_Brooke gave a little sigh of relief. "It's fine."_

"Brooke!"

Brooke turned on her heel and was just in time to see a rush of blonde come flying into her arms. "Peyton!"

The next few minutes were just full of high-pitched squeals and a rush of hugs. When the two girls finally broke apart, breathless and with rosy cheeks, Brooke turned to see the rest of the family standing there.

"Hi Jake!" she gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Jenny!" The small girl ran into Brooke's arms. "Hi Aunt Brooke! I missed you."

Brooke smiled and stroked the little brunettes hair. "I missed you too, kiddo." The two finished their hug and Brooke straightened up and turned her attention to the small baby boy in Jakes arms.

"Ohhh," said Brooke, immediately enraptured by Liam, and lifting him out of Jakes arms. "Aren't you just the cutest?" she asked, cradling him. "Gosh, he looks exactly like you, Jake."

"Except for the blonde hair and blue eyes. Those are all from his mom," said Jake, leaning in to give Peyton a kiss.

After a few more minutes of greetings and catching up, the five-some realized they were standing in a most inconvenient place for those wishing to get off of the escalator, and made their way out of the revolving doors to Brooke's car.

And as they drove off, Brooke couldn't help feeling a certain happiness that had failed to reach her in the past week. Today, for the first time in a long time, she felt worry-free.


	12. I Didn't Ask for the Memories

**Finding Our Way Back To Us**

Ok, I feel terrible that I've started like 800 stories and havent UD in like AGES but...here's an UD for you guys. And thanks again for all your reviews. I hope you all had a happy christmahannuhkwanzakuh and that you all will have a great new year!

**I Didn't Ask For the Memories**

June 11th, 2014

"I don't want to watch Bambi anymore," stated Emma simply, turning to look at Lucas.

"Oh, ok," he said, switching off the television. "What do you want to do then?"

It was hard for him to look at the little girl and not see Brooke. Her green eyes, her enormous dimples, the way she was staring him down.

Emma stood up from the couch and left the living room. Lucas craned her head to see her patter down the hall and disappear into her mother's bedroom.

"Emma," he said, following her. "I'm not sure that your mom wants you – "

His words were lost as he entered Brooke's bedroom and a smile crept onto his face. Brooke may be 24, but this room showed that she had hardly changed from the 16 year old he had met eight years ago.

At first glance, it would seem the average, boring room of anyone. That's until you notice the quirky polka-dot throw pillow on top of the white linens, and the entire Gossip Girl series lined up in her bookshelf. He traced his finger along the frame of the picture of Brooke and Emma in the delivery room, and then he let himself smile at the one of Brooke, Peyton and himself in front of Peyton's car, junior year. The door to her walk-in closet was open and he could see the three shelves just designated for shoes. He noticed the scrunchies hanging on the doorknob and remembered Brooke's living situation with Haley senior year.

Despite these subtle fragments of the old Brooke, he could also see fragments of her new self. Next to the Gossip Girl was some John Steinbeck. The picture frame on Brooke's nightstand contained, a photo of her, Ryan and Emma at the park. In her closet he could see some of her quirkier and more suggestive outfits pushed over to make room for professional pencil skirts and black coats.

Snapping out of his wanderings, he noticed Emma sitting on her mother's bed, rifting through a box of photos. Looking up, she smiled a toothy grin.

"Mommy always used to talk about you. She used to show me photos, tell me that my daddy was gonna' come be with me someday. But she stopped."

Lucas was enthralled by the small girl, who, at five, seemed so intelligent, so intriguing, so…Brooke. His voice was strangled in his throat.

"She thinks I doesn't remember." Emma put the box of photos down. "But I do."

In normal cases, it would be difficult to take such a small child seriously, but with Emma, it was entirely different. "Are you sure you're only five," he managed to choke out finally.

"No. I'm four. I'm five on August 16th," she said with a smile. "I'm going to call you daddy," she stated simply, before handing Lucas the box of photos and striding out the door.

He just sat there, speechless.

Until he noticed the first photo on the pile.

_May 22nd, 2008_

_"Lucas no, come on!"_

_"Brooke, no one cares what you look like."_

_"Yeah, not until you put this picture as our Christmas card and use it to blackmail me."_

_"Now, that's not such a bad idea," said Lucas with a wicked grin, as he snapped the photo of a reluctant Brooke reading in bed._

_"You better not!" she said with a scream, jumping up and running after him, chasing him into the kitchen._

_"We really should have gotten a bigger apartment," said Lucas with a laugh as Brooke bumped into the kitchen table, trying to grab the camera from his hand._

_She stopped fighting. "Lucas, I've got a whole essay to write by Monday. And you know how professor Montago cracks the whip."_

_"Fine," he said, leaning down to nuzzle her neck. "But don't you need help, you know, studying."_

_She smiled through her pout. "Don't you try and seduce me."_

_He reached behind her and pulled the elastic from her hair, letting her wet hair hand down to her shoulders. "It's not like you can resist."_

_"Wanna' bet?"_

_"Yeah," he said, moving his lips to her own and his hands down to the small of her back. "I do."_

_Brooke let out a small sigh as she gave into the kiss and wrapped her arms around his neck. He smiled and scooped her up, carrying her, giggling, to the bedroom._

"So, yeah I know this is a little cramped. But hey, we're all friends here," said Brooke, a little frazzled as Jenny and Emma ran past her, each wielding a frying pan that they had somehow weaseled out of the cabinet. "And where is Lucas?"

"Oh yeah," said Peyton with a smile. "How's that going?"

Brooke seemed a little distracted. "What? Oh, it's fine," she said, leaving the room to find Emma.

She found the girls jumping on the sofa. "Emma, where's Lucas?"

"Daddy's in your room."

"Oh – wait _what _did you just call him?" But Emma was back to the couch jumping.

Confused as ever, Brooke made her way down the hall to her room. Pushing open the door, she found Lucas sifting through a box of photos on her bed. "Lucas? What are you doing in here? You know, Peyton and Jake got here. And why is Emma calling you daddy?" she asked, moving to the top thing on her mind.

Lucas just looked up with a smile. "You kept them all?"

She moved to the bed. "God, did Emma find these?" she asked with a frustrated look. She looked at him. "I thought she might remember," she said with a small smile.

"You kept them all. Every single photo taken while we were together."

"You counted?" she asked with a teasing smile.

He ignored her last comment. "Granted, you kept them in a shoebox under your bed, but still. You kept them."

She let out a small sigh. "I kept them."


	13. So What Does This Mean?

**Finding Our Way Back to Us**

Yes, I know it's been FOREVER. But I hope you guys like this UD. Enjoy!

* * *

**So What Does This Mean?**

_June 21st, 2014_

What Brooke never expected was that having this many people in her house, coming and going, asking her questions like 'where's the skillet?' and 'can I take Emma to the park?' and 'what's for dinner?', would make her so happy. Her life for the past few years, had been surprisingly quiet and easygoing. Emma, while not the angel child, was certainly less of a handful than Brooke had expected. For her 9 months of pregnancy, every time she spotted a child on one of those horrific leashes that mothers led them around with the prevent losing them, or throwing screaming temper tantrums on the street, Brooke would go to bed with nightmares of the next 18 years. Before she went to sleep at night, she would rub her belly and softly ask her unborn child to be low-maintenance. Somehow, it worked.

She had always assumed that was the life she was meant to lead. Sure, not back in high school when she was at parties and getting drunk and having sex countless nights, one after the other. But in college, when she began to settle down and see the serious life adjustments she needed to make, she opted to settle for an uneventful and quiet life. Her 16-year old self would never have expected that.

Brooke used to come home from work to an empty apartment, groceries under one arm and Emma in tow. But now, school was out for the summer and on the few days of the week she did go to work, Peyton and Jake would look after Emma and go shopping and cook dinner. It was the least they could do for wreaking havoc on Brooke's apartment. And Brooke found an oddly warm feeling when she made it home by 5:30 and the smell of Puttenesca was arising from the kitchen, while Peyton fed Liam, and Jenny and Emma busied themselves with playdoh.

Despite Peyton and Jake picking up Brooke's previous tasks, Brooke still found her workload to be heavy. The September issue of _Vanity Fair _had to be on its way to the press in about a month and they were pushing their deadlines. Brooke found it difficult to try to work on the layout at the kitchen table when kids were screaming around the house and Jake was wielding his skillet like a madman. Still, she kept her cool. Didn't yell once. But Peyton and Jake could sense her exhaustion. So it was a few days after they arrived when they suggested a little field trip to the Liberty Science Center, leaving Brooke alone to work.

When the door shut behind them, Brooke slid to the floor, a happy smile on her face. It had been a long time since she had been completely alone in the apartment, _a very long time, _and though she enjoyed all the company, it was nice to get some peace and quiet.

She returned to the kitchen table where she had been trying to get work done that morning. Ten minutes later she found herself so immersed in the contents of a mock-up she was editing that she didn't hear someone knock on the door for about 10 seconds.

When she finally did hear the knock, she managed to pull herself away from the door to answer it.

Lucas' hand was in mid-swing when Brooke flung the door open.

"Thank god. I thought you might have died. I was considering getting an axe to chop down the door and go hunt out your killer."

"How funny," said Brooke with a slight eye-roll as she leaned against the doorframe.

"What? You're not gonna' let me in?"

"And risk you getting charged for murder against my psycho killer? I think not."

Lucas let out a husky laugh as Brooke let him into the apartment. Seeing the empty living room, he gave a low whistle. "So maybe _you're _the psycho killer who murdered everyone else."

Brooke laughed. "Peyton and Jake took the kids to the Science Museum. I wish you had called. I'm sorry you came all the way up here when Emma wasn't even here."

"It's cool," responded Lucas, removing his coat without invitation and throwing it over a chair. "I'm sure we can find other things to do," he said cracking his knuckled and giving her a troublesome smirk.

"Wow, Lucas Scott. A little hornier than in high school."

"It helps when Brooke's a lot hotter."

"Are you saying I was ugly in high school?" Brooke mocked shock and anger.

Lucas laughed and eyed that table. "So what's this mess?"

"This 'mess' is a mock-up for the September issue. And you," she said, jabbing him in the chest, "get the first peek."

"Wow, I feel so privileged," said Lucas, rolling his eyes.

"For that, you can help me."

The next hour was probably the least productive of Brooke's life. Lucas kept making her crack up with his age old impersonations of Haley jumping off her chair in third grade, hand eagerly raised, to answer a question. She kept having to put down her scissors and calmly explaining to Lucas that no, he couldn't put that article before that one. Why? That question would send her on a rampage.

Eventually Brooke gave up and collapsed on the couch, a defeated expression on her face.

"I give up," she muttered, defeated. "You," she said, pointing to Lucas as he sunk down next to her, "are useless."

"Well, that is the grounds to my existence."

Brooke sighed and rubbed her temple. "I need a break."

"You mean, from that?" he asked, motioning to the mess on the table.

She shrugged. "I don't know. From all of it." She fingered the frayed hem of her shirt. "I feel like all I've done for the past 5 years is work."

"That's because all you've done for the past five years is work."

Brooke laughed and threw a pillow at him.

Lucas continued. "Well, then let's go out tonight." She raised her eyebrows at that. "Well, not just us," he said with a nervous laugh. "You, me, Peyton and Jake. We can all go out to dinner."

Brooke smiled playfully. "Okay, you're on. On one condition though."

"What's that?"

"You have to find a sitter who's crazy enough to sit for three insanely hyper kids."

He laughed.

* * *

"What the hell is taking them so long?" asked Jake from the living room, as he flipped through _New York _magazine.

"Are you kidding me? We'll be lucky if we're out of here by midnight. It's Brooke and Peyton. I've never seen and other girls take so long to get ready." Lucas paused from his welcome of the babysitter into the apartment. She was a sophomore in high school, and looked completely nonplussed by the screams of mirth from the small children that was echoing through the apartment

"At least they always look hot," responded Jake with a laugh.

"Why, thank you," said Peyton, as she exited the bedroom, dressed a green summer dress, her hair hanging in soft curls.

Jake let out a low whistle. "Wow…who knew you would grow up to be the next Marilyn Monroe."

"Ok, um, weird comparison," she said, teasing him a little, as she grabbed her purse from the coat rack.

"And where's Brooke?" asked Lucas. Carrie, the babysitter, had already disappeared bravely into the kid's room.

"Brooke!" Peyton yelled towards the bedroom as her answer. "Stop primping and get the hell out here!"

"Shut the hell up P. Sawyer, said Brooke with a laugh as she emerged from the bedroom. "Lucas, did Carrie get here?"

Lucas was staring straight at her, with no look that proved he had heard her. Thoughts couldn't exactly form in his brain – not right now.

Brooke was dressed in a black miniskirt, which was set classily high above her knee, in a spot that earned her respect, but still made Lucas crazy. She'd thrown on a dangerously red halter-top that showed off her impressive cleavage, and added a pair of black wedges to the mix. Her hair was straightened, and cascaded right down to her lower ribs – her bangs wispily side-swept across her forehead.

"Earth to Lucas!" Peyton snapped her fingers in front of his face and he blinked. "Can you stop staring at the hotness that is Brooke Davis long enough to answer her question?"

Lucas looked away, slightly embarrassed, and muttered "Yeah, she's here."

* * *

"I'm bored," said Brooke, moodily, scraping her fork across the restaurant table.

Lucas laughed from his place at her side. Brooke Davis, at 24, still had the ability to slip right back into the pouting phase of her 19-year old self. "Why?"

"You guys aren't interesting at all. All you talk about is work, and Liam, and Jenny, and Emma, and taxes, and money, and other boring things."

"It's called being an adult, Brooke," Peyton said, teasing her.

"Let's play a game," said Brooke, suddenly cheering up.

"I wasn't aware we were still 14," retorted Jake.

"Clearly you aren't," she playfully shot back.

"What game?" asked Peyton, challenging her best friend.

"I never."

The other three groaned. "When has that game ever ended well?" asked Lucas.

"Are you chicken?" Brooke smiled with a sparkle in her eye.

"Bring it on, Brooke Davis," he said, sitting back in his seat and smirking.

"Okay, I'll start. I never…was late to a wedding because I was having sex." The statement was blunt and directed at the two sitting across from her.

"So that's how it's gonna' go?" asked Peyton after taking a sip of her wine. "Okay, well I never had sex _in _a church!"

"What!!!!" The expression on Jake's face was priceless, looking over the table, shocked at Brooke and Lucas. They both wore guilty looks. "When??"

Brooke laughed and blushed slightly in Lucas' direction. "Cooper's second wedding. And his third, come to think of it."

Jake shook his head. "You guys disgust me," he said with a tight smile.

Lucas laughed and lifted his glass. "To empty anterooms."

Brooke smiled and clinked his glass with hers. "I'll drink to that."

* * *

They emerged into the warm summer night at around 11. The three bottles of wine from dinner had just started to send them into a giddy state of mind. Peyton grabbed ahold of Jake's hand, and Brooke and Lucas traveled a few steps behind as the four began the few blocks back to the apartment.

By the time they reached 84th and Central Park West, they could hear the music echoing from the new club that had been thrown out of place into the otherwise calm neighborhood. As the group made their way by it, Brooke paused in front of the building.

"You guys wanna' go in?" she called to the other three, who turned around at her words.

Peyton and Jake looked ready to crash, and reinforced that perception by quickly declining. Lucas, looked wide awake, but uneasy.

"I don't know. Maybe I should just head home." Not that he had a home here – Brooke's apartment had been more of one than the Four Seasons was these past few weeks.

"Come on," she said, pulling on his arm and sticking out her lower lip in a pout. "How often do you get to actually act 24, instead of 40?"

The words propelled a nod from Lucas, although he suspected it was also because he wasn't sure he could say no to anything that escaped from her lips tonight.

* * *

"What _was _that?" Lucas asked, slamming the empty shot glass down on the table.

"You don't want to know," she said, signaling the bartender for another from their seats.

"Brooke Davis, are you trying to get me drunk?" The alcohol was leaving both tipsy, giving Lucas the courage to graze her bare knee as he reached for the new drinks.

Looking up at her, he saw a flicker of _something_ from her eyes, and they held eye contact for a good six seconds, before she finally looked away.

Ten minutes later, there was a loud thumping coming from the dance floor and a dangerously sexual song started up. He looked to her, and knew the words before they exited her mouth.

"Let's dance."

The floor was a mass of writing bodies, the air smelled musty and yet exotic. She was nervous at first – it had been years since she danced like this. Her hands lay awkwardly at her side as she stood inches apart from him.

Right now, his mind didn't care about doing the right thing. All he wanted was her. Her lips, her body. He wanted her touching him, he wanted to be able to hold her. With no warning, he placed a hand on the small of her back, and pulled her towards him.

The two slipped easily back into how they were in high school. Brooke closed her eyes against him, and she could see Prom – see the flashing lights and the exhilaration. She could see the clubs she used to take him to – see the two of them dance dangerously close. But it was okay then. She loved nothing more. It had been her comfort zone – being pressed up against him, heart pounding, grabbing his scent as her own.

Her hand went to his side, her face rested near his neck. She felt his hand brush her chest, then move up her leg. She moved even closer, feeling his body move in rhythm of hers, feeling his weight against her own.

And then his lips brushed her neck. And they both knew they weren't going to play this safe.

"Let's get out of here."

* * *

They barely made it into the apartment before his lips found hers. She welcomed the pressure, parting her own to make way for his tongue. They were stumbling towards her bedroom, their tongues locked in battle, their hands exploring.

He pushed her onto the white quilt and moved over her. Let his hand move up her leg, along the hem of her skirt, hiking it up higher. She let out a soft moan as he took her neck in his mouth, as she yanked his shirt over his head.

In a minute her shirt was off, their hot bodies pressing into one another, his hand finding its way around her bra. He bit down on her lower lip slightly, she moved both hands to the back of his neck, kissed his chest, welcomed his heavy presence over her.

The shrill ring echoed through the apartment and Lucas froze with his lips on her collarbone. He shifted his weight off of her, and reached over to his phone on the floor.

Her heavy breathing subsided slightly as he muttered a strangled "Hello?" into the phone. She lay under him, enjoying his presence.

"C-Claire." The moment was gone. "Yeah, I'll be back soon." She pushed him softly off her, sitting up in bed. In ten seconds he was off the phone and silent as he watched her pull her shirt back over her head.

"Brooke."

"Lucas." The word came out more as a sigh then a real word. She turned around and looked at him, the moonlight coming through the window giving her a view of his unreadable expression. She wordlessly handed him his shirt and, without changing, crawled under the cool sheets.

He looked at her for a minute before standing up and pulling his shirt back on over his head. "Can we talk about this?"

She looked up at him. "It didn't mean anything. We just got carried away."

Her hair was mussed and lay scattered across the pillow. Her eyeliner was smeared, her cheeks were flushed. She still looked beautiful. There was no stopping his last words before he left.

"It meant everything."

Review!!!!


	14. It's You

**A/N: **_Ok, I should probably apologize _again _in this story for not updating ANY of my stories in like EVER. imsorryimsorryimsorry__imsorryimsorryimsorry__imsorryimsorryimsorry__imsorryimsorryimsorry ... mkay? ok good. And my alerts weren't working very well, so if you didn't get an alert for **Fix You, **I UD that too..._

_hope you like..._

* * *

**1. It's You**_  
_

Morning afters are the worse. She hadn't experienced many since high school, when her sophomore year consisted solely of wicked hangovers and regretful hookups, which she initiated exclusively to fill some void inside of her. Of course, then Lucas happened, and the morning afters got a lot better. She could still remember those days where she would wake up in Lucas' sheets, the bed that felt more familiar and safe then any other that she had ever slept in. It would be the Saturday mornings, the beginning of the weekends that broke up the stressful weeks of senior year. Lucas' arm would be draped over her bare skin, his entire form curled around her own. She would lie like that for hours, just listening to him breathe. And then there would be the days where he would wake up first, and she would awaken to kisses along her collarbone, or his fingers stroking her hair.

But this morning she woke up alone. And although it could not technically be described as a morning after, since she had enough common sense for the two of them to stop the charade before it started, the feeling of waking up alone could not get any worse. It was even worse than those morning afters before Lucas, where the guy (if he had even spent the night, where on most occasions he wouldn't) would make a run for it before she even woke up. It was worse because on those morning afters, she knew she wasn't missing anything waking up alone. But this morning – today – she was missing everything.

She managed to drag herself out of bed and into the shower. And as the hot water cascaded down her bare skin, she scrubbed and scrubbed, trying to cleanse herself of something, only she didn't know what. After wiping the steam off the mirror, and combing her hair out, she put her boxers and tanktop back on, deciding that she had no motivation, and no need, to look presentable today.

There were murmured voices coming from the kitchen, and a waft of pancakes creeping under the crack in her door. She was grateful for once, looking at the clock reading 10:20, that her daughter had let her sleep in. Rubbing her eyes, she made her way out into the open are of the living room.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Sleeping Beauty," said Peyton from the couch, pulling the yawning brunette into her lap. Brooke laughed softly and slid off her best friends lap onto the space next to her on the couch.

The door the kitchen swung open and Lucas emerged. 'Hot pancakes fresh off the – " he paused mid sentence when he saw Brooke on the couch.

"It's called a griddle dumbass," responded Jake, emerging behind Lucas from the kitchen.

"I thought you were going to work today," Lucas said bluntly, not meeting Brooke's eyes, as he set the pancakes down on the table.

She stuttered across her words, playing with the tie on Peyton's robe. "I didn't feel like it."

"Oh." He stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, as the uncomfortable silence took over. Finally, Peyton broke the calm.

"Ok…who walked in on who naked?" Clearly she was joking, but her eyes widened as she saw their expressions, and figured out that she wasn't too far off the mark. "Oh…my…god. What happened?"

"Nothing," Brooke snapped, standing up, and brushing passed Lucas and Jake.

"But we made pancakes," said Jake in a clueless tone, gesturing after Brooke as she retreated into her room.

Ignoring badgering questions from Peyton, Lucas followed Brooke into her bedroom, catching the door before it slammed closed behind her.

"Brooke! Are we ever going to talk about this?"

She flung open her closet doors. "There is nothing to talk about," she responded in a defiant tone as she pulled off the boxers to reveal a pair of Arie boy shorts underwear, and yanked on a pair of jeans.

"Really?" he asked, raising his tone of voice. "So I guess I just imagined us almost having sex."

"I'm sure you've done it plenty of times. You're probably getting good at it." She was rummaging through her closet for a shirt now, clad only in her black bra.

"Are you actually doing this? Are you actually mad at _me? _Let's backtrack here. Um, who got who drunk?"

_"What was that?" Lucas asked, slamming the empty shot glass down on the table._

_"You don't want to know," she said, signaling the bartender for another from their seats._

_"Brooke Davis, are you trying to get me drunk?" The alcohol was leaving both tipsy, giving Lucas the courage to graze her bare knee as he reached for the new drinks._

"That's not the point!" she almost screamed.

"But isn't it though? You couldn't even have the decency to come on to me when you were sober…it's like you need the excuse of alcohol for letting your guard down!"

"Don't turn this into a psychoanalysis of my character," she responded warningly.

But Lucas didn't listen. "I'm not going to apologize for anything here. You're trying to get me to feel bad for you, when you're the one who fucked up! _You didn't tell me about my own daughter! _How can you even begin to blame anything on me?"

He had changed the topic of the conversation so suddenly that Brooke was knocked off guard. She just stood there for a minute as he continued.

"You know for a second I thought you had changed. I thought that just _maybe _having Emma had done you some good. But I realize now that it's just made you bitter for the 5 years that you can't take back. You want everyone to feel sorry for you, even though you made all the decisions that got you to this point where you're cornered into a life that you always thought you were too good for."

The entire speech had spilled out without his control. He only now realized what he said, but honestly he didn't feel bad. She looked as though she had been slapped in the face, but Lucas felt nothing. They stared at each other for a few more moments before he looked away.

And then he was leaving, feet plowing through the living room and slamming the front door behind him as he left in the midst of confusion from Peyton and Jake.

It wasn't until he was in the elevator that he realized he had nowhere to go. He couldn't go back to the apartment – Brooke was there. And he couldn't go back to the hotel room where Claire was.

_"It's just…it's over." He tried to say it in a way that made more sense, but that would be acknowledging that he had cheated on his girlfriend._

_Claire didn't look upset. She didn't even look angry. She simply looked confused._

_"I thought things were going so well," she said, sitting up in bed. _

_He glanced at the clock. It was 2am. He had just gotten back to the hotel room. He thought at first that he would be able to handle seeing Claire – that maybe seeing the peaceful face of her in bed would somehow erase the images he still had running through his mind of Brooke smiling, Brooke kissing him, Brooke under him._

_But the words came out anyway. He was telling Claire it was over before she had fully opened her eyes. _

_"It's not you – " he started, desperate for any excuse and pulling out the lamest._

_"You're right." Now she was angry. Jumping out from bed she strode over to the closet and yanked his jackets out, flinging them into his open suitcase on the floor. "It's you. So why don't you save us both a pointless 'conversation' and get the fuck out!" She threw the suitcase at him and the last he saw of her was her livid expression as she slammed the door in his face._

IIIIIIII

Her daughter was calling for her but Brooke didn't respond. She lay atop her bedspread, absentmindedly fingering a strand of her hair as she stared up at the ceiling fan.

There wasn't ounce once of her that didn't want to take back the previous night. At the time, the alcohol was shrouding her good judgment and all she wanted was to feel good again. The way he had looked at her, the way he held her as they were dancing, the way his lips felt against her skin…

She sat up in her bed, shaking the drifting thoughts from her mind. _No, that was how it happened before. And you're not even drunk anymore,_ she told herself.

Emma's calls were louder now, and Brooke stood to go tend to her daughter.

On her way to the living room, the phone in the hallway began to ring. She paused at the receiver, hoping with all she had that it wouldn't be Lucas on the other line.

"Hello?"

"Brooke?"

Even after three years, Brooke could recognize Haley's voice in a heartbeat.

"Hales?"

"Yeah, it's me." Haley's voice sounded weary. "How's are you?"

"I'm fine. Great, actually," Brooke responded in a non-convincing tone. "How are you, tutormom?"

Brooke could feel Haley smile through the phone and the brunette couldn't help but smile as well. "I'm good."

There was an awkward pause before Haley broke the silence.

"So Nathan and I are coming into town this weekend."

"Really? Gosh Haley, that's great. I haven't seen you in like – "

"Three years," the girl on the other line finished, a small edge in her voice.

Brooke's voice softened. "Right."

"So do you want to get together?"

"Absolutely! We could all go out to dinner. Peyton and Jake are in town too."

"I heard."

Brooke was slightly confused as to why her friend was being so short with her. She figured it might have been because Brooke hadn't exactly been keeping up correspondence with her and Nathan.

"So how about Saturday night?"

"Sounds great. I'll talk to you later."

"Great! Bye Hales." Brooke was about to hang up the phone when Haley spoke again.

"Say hi to Emma for me."

IIIIIIII

Hope you guys liked that UD and the cliffhanger. Just to remind you, Brooke didn't know that Haley knew about Emma ;). Please Review!!!!!


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